Alphabetize
by Team Dragon Star
Summary: A series of unrelated, non-linear drabbles revolving around B/V.


**Brought to you by T. Alana M.**

...

**_A _****is for alcohol.**

Bulma was never, ever getting Vegeta drunk again. Ever.

She shuddered as the news reporter went on about a yellow-and-blue blur demolishing a gay bar and screaming about how it reminded him of a green lizard named Zarbon.

She turned off the TV.

...

**_B _****is for blue.**

"What's your favorite color?"

Vegeta didn't have a favorite color. It was irrelevant and unnecessary, and served no purpose at all. What was the point of choosing one color over another? It wasn't like different shades would defeat the purpose of an object. (Unless the color was pink and the object was clothing, in which case, the color did defeat the purpose of the shirt saving him from looking like an absolute moron.)

He pondered on the woman's odd query. He glanced at her, noting her wide blue eyes and cerulean hair.

"Blue," he decided, smirking when Bulma turned bright red.

...

**_C_**** is for coffee.**

As Bulma stirred her third cup of coffee after she had started working on Vegeta's broken bots (_again. _Honestly, couldn't he not break something for once?), she mused - in all her sleep deprived levels of deduction - that life was a bit like coffee.

_For an addict__,__ coffee was bitter, addictive, with small splashes of sugar; an almost unidentifiable taste of delectable sweetness, entirely out of place amidst the bitterness of caffeine._

She had been with Yamcha for years, and they had had good times. She remembered the times he'd stood up for her, the times he'd taken her out to a fancy restaurant instead of a ball game, the times he'd held her and whispered sweet nothings about starting a family and being happy together.

But he probably did that for every tramp he met, she thought bitterly. She'd always thought that he smelled like cheap perfume and tacky cosmetics, but she'd always believed his excuses until it wasn't possible anymore. After Vegeta had pointed out that her boyfriend smelled like five different women one night, she decided to do a little digging into the dozen or so years Yamcha and her had been together.

Apparently, he'd been cheating for nearly a decade.

_For a cynic__,__ life was bitter, addictive, with occasional splashes of happiness, intertwined with life's hardships._

Bulma took a sip of her coffee and wrinkled her nose at the acerbic taste. She grabbed the sugar bowl and went back to her musing.

_Some people liked their coffee sweet. They added three spoonfuls of sugar, then relish in its saccharinity, while they achieved the desired effect of being able to operate through the rest of the day in a somewhat less-zombified state than what they started out with._

She'd lost her boyfriend, but she had other things, didn't she? She had the latest Gucci handbags, two walk-in closets full of designer clothes, and an alien eye-candy as back-up if those things ever got tiring.

_Some people liked life sweet. They add three spoonfuls of optimism, then relish in its brightness while they achieve the desired effect of being able to make it through the rest of life on a metaphorical sugar__-__high of optimistic overviews._

_A coffee cup, sweet or bitter, would be half-drained at one point. When this happened, both the cynic and the optimist would look at the cup. Following the infamous metaphor, the cynic would think that the cup was half empty__, w__hile the optimist would think the cup was half full._

Well, she'd lost Yamcha, but that didn't mean she didn't have any other options. After all, she was a gorgeous, rich genius. She could have any man she wanted. But it would be hard actually finding one that she liked; the business men she associated with were too easy, too shallow. She wanted a challenge. For a genius like her, that didn't leave her with too many options.

"WOMAN! WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY TRAINING BOTS?"

Well, she'd said she wanted a challenge. Bulma smiled as a half-naked Vegeta stormed into the kitchen. Maybe this would be fun after all.

_Life was like coffee, bitter or sweet, happy or sad, half empty or half full, it just depended on how you look__ed__ at it._

...

**_D _****is for delusions.**

Very few knew that Vegeta was an avid dreamer. He dreamt of beating the tyrant and achieving freedom. The difference, he told himself, was that he would make his dreams a reality. But he always knew in the back of his mind that he could not beat the tyrant. He wasn't even able to beat the Ginyu Force or Frieza's other cronies like Zarbon and Dodoria, and Frieza was rumored to be far stronger than them all.

Still, he indulged in fantasy like a drug and dreamt that he had killed Zarbon and Dodoria, and he was free on Earth with a wife and a family.

But indulging too much might cause one to question the difference of reality and fantasy, only acknowledging the former by its strong ties that tethered the mind to facts, while the latter floated and encompassed like formless clouds in a clear blue sky. Fantasy was a sly thing that no doubt toyed with the edges of reality and flirted its nimble fingers around the fragile parts, twisting everything until the lines between fantasy and reality were too blurred to tell the difference.

Sometimes, he thought that his dreams were real. There was a woman called Bulma who loved him and a child named Trunks who looked up to him, and he was free, free from the tyrant who tormented him. It was a nice dream.

He always woke up, though, and was always forced to face the truth. When he went to sleep in his dreams of Earth, he woke up in space. It would take a while, but he always came to the realization that the blue-haired woman and life on Earth was the dream, and the cold recesses of Frieza's spaceship was the reality.

He wasn't free. He was just deluding himself like everyone else.

...

**_E _****is for evil.**

When Bulma told her husband she was carrying a baby, he asked why she couldn't just lay it and leave it in a pile of blankets to hatch.

She left him to his confusion until the day of Trunks's birth, after which he proclaimed her as an evil, evil person for not warning him about the horrors of witnessing childbirth.

She just asked him where the hell he got "The Talk".

...

**_F _****is for father.**

Vegeta had never wanted to be one, but, as he picked up his giggling infant daughter and handed her to his beaming son, he knew that he wouldn't change a thing.

...

**_G _****is for God**

_God exists_, Vegeta thought in a rare moment of awe as he stared, wide-eyed, at the small blanket-wrapped miracle that was his child.

...

**_H _****is for home.**

Bulma had no idea what she was thinking when she invited Vegeta to live with her, but when he drunkenly confessed that he hadn't had a real home since he was five, she figured it was a good decision.

...

**_I _****is for irony.**

It was ironic that he was the one who found a happy ending, when he was the one who had ended so many others.

...

**_J _****is for jester.**

Had Vegetasei survived, Vegeta would have made Kakkarot the court jester.

In fact, he tricked the other man into wearing a traditional jester suit one Halloween.

Bulma had not been amused.

...

**_K _****is for kiss.**

The first time it happened, he was baffled and she was drunk. It was far from her ideal fantasy of Prince Charming meets the Genius Princess (hey, it was _her_ fantasy), but she got her happy ending anyway.

...

**_L _****is for lies.**

Bulma had unveiled multitudes of them, but none hurt more than the fact that her husband thought she was a lie, and his old tormentor was the truth.

...

**_M _****is for murderer.**

No matter what Bulma said or what he himself wanted to believe, thirty-odd years of conditioning was impossible to reverse.

When he found himself grinning as he tore into the heart of his daughter's kidnapper, he knew that he would never truly escape Frieza's influence.

...

**_N _****is for notes.**

When she was dating Yamcha, she liked to leave him sticky notes saying how much she loved him. He would always read them, look at her, and kiss her soundly.

When she tried leaving one for Vegeta, he threw a small ki ball at it, told her to stop wasting time, and said that she didn't need to give him notes because he already knew she loved him.

...

**_O _****is for open.**

Bulma knew that Vegeta wasn't an open man, so she gave his hand a supporting squeeze when he decided (was cajoled, threatened, and whined to submission, to be more accurate) to tell their 14-year-old son about his past.

...

**_P_**** is for pillow****-****talk.**

Yamcha had done it, but it never meant anything because he repeated the same words to all those other people.

Vegeta never did it, but his arms wrapped securely around her somehow managed to convey far more than she expected.

...

**_Q _****is for questions.**

"Daddy, where do babies come from?"

Later that night, Vegeta told his laughing wife that he would rather be thrown out of a space pod in mid-travel than face that conversation again.

...

**_R _****is for red.**

They both liked the color for different reasons.

She liked strawberries; the red ones were really ripe and at their sweetest.

He liked red. The coppery taste of blood was forever on his tongue and its scent was alluring to his keen senses. It had nothing to do with his upbringing; he was Saiyan, and insatiable bloodlust was just another part of him that the woman would never know about.

...

**_S _****is for safe.**

She knew he was dangerous. She had seen it with her own eyes when he had first come to Earth. He was off-kilter, insane, and a murderer to boot.

But somehow, she never felt safer than the moments when he held her in his arms.

...

**_T _****is for (The) Talk.**

Vegeta got his from Frieza. He had half-expected Bulma to start laying eggs when she first told him she was pregnant.

Judging by the way she was howling with laughter, Ice-jinn anatomy probably differed from humans' and Saiyans'.

...

**_U _****is for unfortunate.**

_The story of my life_, Trunks thought, as he walked in on his parents for the third time that week. And it was Tuesday.

...

**_V _****is for violation.**

Vegeta remembered the signs; the lusty looks, the sweaty palms, the gleam in the eye. He remembered the signs that would lead up to being slammed against the floor in a dark hallway and being violated until he swallowed his pride and screamed for Nappa's help.

He remembered the signs, so he felt justified in killing the handsy school teacher who had been staring at his daughter.

...

**_W _****is for worms.**

Bulma found it hilarious that Vegeta was scared of them. She'd once put a fat, slimy one on his arm, and the effeminate shriek he'd let out was almost worth the amount of damage done to her house. She figured this was revenge for him always ignoring the killer frogs that were out to get her.

...

**_X _****is for ...?**

Vegeta was confused by the woman's letter.

_Come to my room._

_XXX_

_-B. ;)_

The only use for "X" he knew was for marking a target. Did that mean the woman was out to kill him? He was insulted; weren't they on good terms now? Obviously, the woman didn't think so. She probably had an arsenal of weapons in her lair, and was lying in wait, waiting for him to enter her trap.

Well, he just wouldn't come then.

The next day, Bulma threw a book at his head.

"X means _kisses, _you idiot!"

...

**_Y _****is for Yajirobe.**

Vegeta needed to kill that fat samurai for cutting off his tail, but Bulma said that if he did, she wouldn't sleep with him until said fat samurai was revived.

He was still considering his options.

...

**_Z _****is for zoo.**

Bulma wished she had brought a camera to capture the look on Vegeta's face.

The monkeys kept bowing to him, and he stared and stared and stared.

...

**See the white box waay down there?!**

**!**

**It's empty.**

**!**

**!**

**It needs to be filled. With words.**

**!**

**!**

**!**

**V**

**Review please!**

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